How To Dispose of your Gingerbread House in Eight Easy Steps

Step One: Get the box out of the garage containing all the leftover fireworks from July 4th.
Step Two: Give each person a tank and full access to tape and the rest of the fireworks.
Step Three: Tape all the rest of the fireworks to your tank, creating a "mega tank" scary enough to pose a threat to even the strongest of gingerbread houses.

Here is what you might have up to this point...

Andy and Jessica incorporated extremely-scary balloons, flags, and party blowers on their tanks

Kirk and Whitney went for a more sleek and sophisticated look

I, of course went for height.

Side note: You might notice that we are all in sweats. Our parties usually come with a dress code. Moving on...

One last look at the unsuspecting house

Step Four: Get 4-year-old daughter out of bed to watch the action. She will be so happy to be out of bed that she won't even care that you are about to set fire to her gingerbread house.

Step Five: Keep 4-year-old on the front porch with mommy, out of harms way. Don't worry, everybody else will still be able to hear her as she repeatedly tells the rest of the you to be careful.

Step Six: Place house in middle of cul-de-sac surrounded by tanks

Step Five: Light matches and run. Fast.
Step Six: When you think the last firework had gone off, go and check the house for damages. Turn and run away when you see another fuse starting to light up.
Step Seven: Repeat Step Six several times.



At this point, your house might look something like this:

Step Eight: (Optional) If your house isn't destroyed enough for your taste, your wife might suggest that you put a Saturn Missile Battery in the house. Don't underestimate this idea.

Is it just me, or does that yellow gumdrop still look almost edible?