Our Story: Screening

After Jeremy amd I decided to take a break from eachother, I came home feeling pretty bad. Soon, Rick and his buddy, Tyler were in my apartment and we were discussing my situation. I was definitely bummed and frustrated with the prospect of having to start over in the dating world completely from scratch. I felt like I was getting too old (I was an ancient 23) to waste my time with loser guys. I explained how I wished their was a way to screen guys beforehand to see if they were even worth going out with. Rick and Tyler thought I was on to something and that the idea was too hilarious to pass up. Screening was born...

Rick and Tyler first approached Darren, a hottie from our ward and invited him to come to a "screening". They explained to him that I was freshly available and was interviewing potential dates to see if they were worthy of taking me out. Darren agreed to come and we had our first screening.

When Darren showed up, we assigned him a candidiate number and took a photo of him- sort of like a mug shot. We almost gave him number 1, but we didn't want to make him think that he was the first person to be screened. We wanted to make him think he had some competition out there. We ended up giving him number 5.

#5: Darren

The screening panel was made up of me, a few of my roommates, Rick, and Tyler. We spent the next half hour or so grilling Darren in every possible way. Here are just some of the possible questions/tasks we came up with for our screenings:

• Demonstrate the proper way to chop wood.
• Inquire what he would do in a hypothetical situation to find out if he is a gentleman.
• Any traffic violations?
• Have him call his mom and let me eavesdrop of the coversation
• Is he an eagle scout?
• Does he floss?
• Have him describe his perfect date.
• What color are his socks?
• Is he a registered voter?
• Does he cook?
• How long does it take him to take out my trash?
• Is there a picture of his family in his bedroom?
• How is his form while riding an invisible horse around my kitchen?
• Can he beat me in a thumb war?
• Favorite scripture?

Here is a photo of Darren being grilled

When we were done with our questions, we sent Darren on his way. The panel then decided his final score. There were a total of ten categories:

1. In touch with your feminine side
2. Maniliness
3. Gospel Devotion
4. Taste
5. Chivalry
6. Humor
7. Rico Suave
8. Hygiene
9. Hiney
10. Resposible


There were a total of 10 points possible for each category, making 100 total possible points. I can't remember what he earned for each catergory, but I know his total score. (I can't believe the stuff I save.) Darren earned 88 points, but was given 5 points of extra credit for his left bicep and 2 points extra credit for his right bicep. The boy was buff!

After Darren's screening, word started to spread, and more guys started coming around, asking to be screened. Here's the rest of them...

#6: Brian. He scored a pathetic 87%. He never asked me out. I wasn't disappointed

#7: Paul. He scored an 88.5%, but then upped his scored to a 93% after scerenading me. He did ask me out. That's another story which I will tell another day

#8: Russ. He scored a 90.5% and then asked me out. Not a very eventful date. There was an incident with his pants at the rock climbing place, but this is a family blog.
#9: Keith. He scored an 89% and was really mad that his roommate, Russ (above) scored higher. He came back later to play me a song on his saxophone, but I didn't change his score. Oddly enough, he didn't ask me out either.

After Darren's screening, we added a new step to our screening process. After the panel was done calculating the contestants scores, Rick and Tyler would hand deliver the results to the guys. They would stand there while they read their results and secretly recorded their conversations. Later, they would play back their conversations for me so I could hear their reactions. These guys did not take criticism very well.

Screening was even more hilarious than we thought it would be.

After screening these 5 guys, I screened only one more person.

To be continued...