Our Story: The Breakup After Math

The morning after Jeremy and I broke up, I found 12 roses in my car along with a note from him. (He had a spare set to my car just in case). The note said this...

I love you more than
A simple "good-bye" would
Make me give up for you

I love you so much that
I would fight thru
Anything to have you back

Until you tell me
"Leave me alone"
My love will not stop.

Jeremy

The note was slightly weird and the roses were gorgeous. But, I knew that I wouldn't be able to look at them without feeling guilt and sadness. I brought them in and handed them to my roommate. I told her to do what she wanted with them, but that I never wanted to see them again. I think she threw them in the dumpster.

That night, Jeremy and I talked on the phone again for hours. It was excruciating. He said that he had another 12 roses for me that he was going to bring over. I told him not to bother. During the conversation, he again insisted that we were made to love each other and that nobody else will ever love me like he does. He was bawling and sputtering through his tears, saying over and over that I broke his heart. It really hurt me to see him upset, but throughout the conversation, I remained completely emotionless- pretty much stone cold. I was this way when we broke up too. No tears. No emotion at all. This pretty much drove him insane because throughout our relationship, I was always the emotional one. I would cry with almost no cause at all. It must have been really odd for him to see this side of me. He said that I was being cold-hearted and was acting like I didn't care at all. It wasn't that I didn't care. I was just afraid that if I showed any sign of weakness, I might fall apart and then he would pounce.

I also told Jeremy about Rick. I wanted him to hear it from me rather than someone else. That did not go over well. I can't remember exactly how the conversation ended, but I'm pretty sure that his hopes were pretty low at this point. I didn't get any more flowers.

We had a few more phone conversations after this, but not too many. In a moment of weakness, I called him one night, out of the blue. I was feeling bad for him and wanted to see how he was. I also missed him a little too. But, as all of our recent conversations had been, it didn't really go anywhere.

In the days that followed, I was surprised at the support I got from Jeremy's friends and roommates. People that should have been loyal to him were coming to me and telling me I had made the right decision. Jeremy's best friend, Jared also told me that he had cheated on me at least 5 times that he knew of. (Meaning that he kissed other girls- not cheating in the worldly sense.) My roommate also shared with me that she was quite certain that he had kissed one of our other former roommates, but never told me because she wasn't 100% sure. This was on top of the other two girls that Jeremy had already told me about. Of course, these two incidents he had explained away to something that wasn't his fault.

Although I was furious, I also felt somewhat validated in my inability to trust him all these months. I always felt insecure and had a lack of confidence in our relationship. At least my instincts were right. Although, it would have been nice to be clued in to this a little bit earlier. Anyway, Rick's friend Jared felt very bad about telling me about these other girls, but he felt like I had a right to know. He made me promise not to confront Jeremy on this because it would ruin his friendship with Jeremy if Jeremy found out that Jared had betrayed his confidence. Of course, I promised to never say anything to Jeremy. But, that didn't stop me from fuming about it to my roommates and friends over the phone, in person, and in emails. I was ticked.

A few days later, Jared called me, completely unglued. He was furious because he had the impression that I had written an email to Jeremy, calling him out on this cheating. In the alleged email, I had said that it was Jared that told me about these relationships. Jeremy had come to Jared with this email, angry at his friend for what he had done. The weird thing? I wrote no such email. I was completely confused and swore to Jared that I didn't write any sort of email to Jeremy. Of course, Jared didn't believe me. He had seen a copy of this email with his own eyes. I swore we would figure it out, although it was obvious that Jared did believe me.

A day or so later, an idea struck me. I called Jared to see if he had a copy of the email still and I asked him to read it to me. The words of this email were exactly the words that I had written to a friend, venting about how I just learned that Jeremy had cheated on me. Verbatim. I had the original email I had sent as proof.

So there it was...Jeremy had been reading my emails. He knew the password to my email account. I used the same password for everything. He had read my emails and discovered that Jared had told me about his cheating through my emails to my friends. Naturally, Jeremy would be angry discovering that Jared had spilled the beans. Obviously, he would want to confront him on it. But, what was he supposed to say? "Hey, Jared, I'm a totally loony stalker and I broke into Anna Marie's email account and found this..."

So, to save face and to not make himself look psycho, he did a little cutting and pasting and took an email I wrote to someone else and turn it into an email that appeared to be written to him. Then he printed it out and took it to Jared. Creepy. Fortunately, Jared believed me when I told him what had really happened. But, sadly, I think it permanently ruined his relationship with Jeremy.

Some time after this, Jeremy left a really long letter on my porch for me. I think it was in response to an equally long email I wrote to him. I kept his letter for a long time, but I think I threw it away a couple years ago. I can't remember much of what it said. It was mostly word vomit- just getting things off his chest that he wanted to say. Much of it was somewhat twisted and didn't make sense. He denied kissing my roommate. Whatever. But he did apologize for some of the other "things he didn't tell me." He also apologized for trespassing into my email account. At one point referred to Rick as "some bald guy". I can't say I blame him. If the situation were reversed, I probably would have made a couple cheap shots as well. He was also just really angry in general that I moved on so fast and broke up with him they way that I did. He was no longer trying to win me back. He just had to say some final words.

At some point Jeremy and I had arranged to meet at Jared's apartment to return some stuff we had of each others. I think I had one of his sweatshirts, and I definitely wanted my car key from him. That meeting was short and awkward. That was the last time I ever saw him. I would have thought that somewhere along the line, I would have unexpectedly run into him. I think the last time we communicated was when I emailed him and told him I was engaged. Even to this day, I really don't know what happened to him.

At this point, I was looking forward to putting all of those unhappy memories behind me. I was optimistic the life was going to be much better...