Yesterday I casually mentioned that when she was ready, she could leave the Binky Fairy her last binky and in exchange, she would get an awesome toy. We've had similar conversations like this before and she always says she will get rid of her binky when she is four. But, yesterday, the conversation progressed and she got more and more excited about the idea that she could get an awesome toy. She said that she wanted an electric ride-on tractor. I told her that the Binky Fairy wouldn't get her something quite that expensive, but that she could pick out something a little smaller. I told her that we didn't have to do it just yet, but she was insistent to do it right away.
Somehow we found ourselves at Toys R Us so that she could pick out what she wanted and then write to the Binky Fairy with her request. We ended up coming home with this...
I told her that I would buy it and the Binky Fairy could pay me back. I made it very clear that if she went all night without her binky, the toy was hers to keep. If not, it would go back to the store. Gwen agreed and she set out her binky that night for the Binky Fairy to take.
The night started out fine, but she really had trouble relaxing. I went in there a few times and she eventually said that she just couldn't do it and she wasn't big enough to sleep without her binky. I told her that if I gave her the binky back, she couldn't have the toy. She agreed. But, I urged her to try a little longer and offered for her to sleep in our bed for a while.
Finally, around 10:30, she fell asleep. She slept through the whole night! I was so proud of her! She woke up so excited and I could tell she was very pleased with herself.
Today we celebrated by not only playing with her Thomas toy, but I made sure Gwen had a special day. I took her to story time at the library, her favorite restaurant for lunch (Applebee's) and then later I took her to preschool playtime at the gym she goes to gymnastics at.
The only hitch was that she had trouble when I tried to get her to do quiet time. Usually during quiet time she plays on her own in her room and relaxes on her bed with her binkie. This time she cried and didn't want to be left alone. Since this isn't normal behavior, I let her come lay on my bed with me for quiet time.
The problems got worse when I tried put her to bed a while ago. Again, she did not want me to leave the room. She said she "needed" me, which isn't normal behavior for her. I left anyway and she then spent a half hour in bed sobbing/screaming, calling for me over and over again. I finally went in there after she was crying so hard that she could hardly get a breath in. I sang to her and rocked her, and rubbed her back until she settled down.
As I prepared her for my departure, I told Gwen that she needed to try and go to sleep all by herself and she said she couldn't do it. I told her she needed to try for a while and if she continued to have trouble, I would come back. It was the only way to get out of the room without tears from her.
Now I'm kicking myself for ever even bringing up the subject of binkies with her. I know that she is WAY to old to have one, but right now we are going through a big change that will be a huge adjustment for her. Adding a new baby to the family is no small thing and taking away one her main sources of comfort is just adding to her stress.
Part of me just wants to go in there and give her the binky back. The other part of me wonders if we are almost through the worst of this. Why did I have to do this when we are a week and one day away from having a baby? My heart is breaking for her right now.
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10 comments:
I'll always wonder why sucking on something is so comforting to babies/toddlers. The hardest thing was weaning Jared. It wasn't horrible really. We went to one feeding in the morning and one at night, then just once in the morning (he was a night owl, but not a morning person, so that worked the best), and then one morning I brought a sippie cup to bed and let him cuddle with me. The first time he took two sips and said, "It's all gone! Nurse?" We both laughed. He complained a bit, but eventually settled for the closeness of cuddling in bed. At one point he hadn't nursed for a week and then he started teething and asked to nurse again, which I allowed because he needed the comfort.
It's probably difficult timing, but maybe some extra cuddling will help her through it. How hard for her. (And you)
Also, I would say don't pressure yourself to have her broken of it now just because the baby is coming soon. With each baby, I tend to think, "Child x is older now and should be over this now, especially with the new baby coming", but really, there doesn't have to be a deadline, but what is appropriate for them. I felt anxious for Jared to be all potty trained by the time Eric was born, like I would feel like a failure if he weren't. He ended up regressing for a while, peeing his pants several times a day, but he got better a while after Eric was born.
One thing you can know for sure, she's not going to be a teenager with a pacifier. That's what I told myself with Jared. "He's not going to be a teenager peeing his pants all day long." You'll get it figured out somehow. :) If this is too stressful now, maybe bag the whole idea and let the train be the "you're going to be a rockin' big sister" gift.
Anna Marie, I feel for you! I wish I had some great advice, but all I can say is do what feels right. It's times like these that I am thankful for prayer and knowing that I am not raising my children alone. Good luck!
Don't give up! I know that it's tough; there's nothing worse for a mom than seeing their precious child struggling. But, think how proud she will be of herself if she is in fact successful at this. I recently heard something that a mom has been trying to teach her children: we CAN do hard things. It's something I'm trying to teach Max in a loving and supporting way. But it is tough. Hang in there!
I've been in the middle of changing things with Charlie and have wanted to give up many times... I always tell myself, we've gotten this far, we can keep going.
On the other hand, you know that with Lynnae I have totally put many challenges aside when we get to this stage because they don't pass the, "Is this really the most important thing right now?" test.
You'll do what's right for Gwen.
And - we got that toy for our nephews and nieces a few years ago. They had so much fun with it!
Stick to your guns Anna Marie! As hard as it is, the one thing I have always done with my kids is be as consistent as possible. I want them to always know I mean what I say. If you give in to Gwen and let her have her binky after already getting a toy it'll only teach her that you don't always follow through and she might try to manipulate you later on (which she may subconciously be doing now). My suggestion is give her an optional lovey that she can hold when she's feeling stressed. Good luck!
I feel for you! I hope that tonight goes better then the last two. Hang in there - you are a great mom!! :)
I really dont think that Gwen is in anyway trying to be manipulative. you asked her if she could give up the binkie, and she tried. If she wants it back, I would give it back. Atleast until she is used to the baby. She is going to have to go through a ton of changes once the baby comes, and if that pacifier is such a comfort to her, then I would give it to her. You're going to be up in the night with a new baby, and you're going to want Gwen to sleep in her own bed, and you're also going to want her to go to sleep at bedtime.
I once took a parenting class that said, when a new baby is born, it is extremely difficult for the other children in the house at first. Its a huge adjustment on everyone. I would give her back the binkie.
I'm all for giving the binki back to Gwen, but then I'm the grandmother. I'd give them the shirt off of my back if they asked for it.
My motto: Twenty years from now it won't matter!
It's so hard to put your foot down as a parent when your child is really upset, and all you feel like doing is running to them and giving them a giant hug and kiss. I have to agree with Cara on this one, and say that you really should stick to your guns. I think that it will come back to bite you even worse if you don't. I think as parents we give in to our child's wants more than we think we do. It would be interesting to see ourselves from an outsiders perspective...I wonder what we would think then. Gwen is an awesome girl...so smart and beautiful! Even if she is sad now, you might have to encourage her to be the big sister and be tough! She will get over the binkie probably sooner than you think she might. Good luck with all of the new transitions, and I look forward to hearing how things go! Can't wait to see pictures of the new baby when she get here! Your awesome Anna Marie...you'll do great with all of this!
My friend emailed me a link to a site that has a publication on losing the binky (it is free, makes money by advertisements). A friend of mine shared with me (she absolutly raved about the method). Very cool stuff, worked like a charm, wouldn't do it any other way. Too much to discribe, but it is www.bye-bye-binky.com for anyone who is interrested. If you do, let me know your thoughts….Bella
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